I often wonder the reason behind the creator testing us and what the creator is preparing us for. This morning our family lost another member he was a young man who always had time to say hello, had a wicked sense of humour, and family always came first. He was a wonderful human being and his numerous friends can attest to that.  I had to pray really hard to the creator this morning because I questioned the reason why he took him back and yes a bit angry for the 20 more years I got to live and he was taken so soon. I think we are all put here for a purpose but some of us find it harder to find that purpose. When we have done what we are put here on mother earth, when our task is done the creator takes us home.  I have never been a fan of any kind of racism but must admit I have stooped low enough to have been racist a time or two in my life.  The creator is not racist, it does not matter how much money you have, your age, sexual preference or what country you were born in, when you have served your purpose on mother earth the creator calls you home.  I am prepared for my final journey home but what I am not prepared for is the pain that being left behind brings.  Someone asked my mother once if she was afraid of dying and she said no, she was afraid of being left behind.  So today you should call that person who is close to you that you are angry at and call them and say hello.  You never know when your task or someone close to you has finished their task on mother earth and will be called home. Regret brings the same awful feeling as guilt when its too late to do anything about it.

I think my purpose here on earth is to bring smiles to the many wonderful people I have met.  To ensure I always have time to listen and know when to give advice.  Like everyone I have made mistakes but if I make sure for the most part I look after my family and friends then I am doing good. 

So with that I will say hello to all my buds reading this and hello to the ones I dont know.  Give someone a hug today that needs it, they'll feel better but it will make ya feel good too.

RIP my dear cousin Pistol and say hello to my brother and sister for us and tell em we are doing the best we can and we miss them and now will miss you.

3 comments.  205 views. 

Well I dont know how many of your are reading my blogs but thanks for the comments.  My blogs are about my life, NOTE: I would blog about my sex life but I dont have one. LOL but believe me when I get one you will be blushing reading it lol.  Well for the last two weeks I have been suffering from Chronic Pain and muscle spasms in my back so I havent been on the computer much. Wow I do have pity for chronic back pain sufferers, its a pain I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy.  And now I will let you guess what happened as I cant really talk about it, my lawyer said.

(Anyway lol) The other day i was in my fav chatroom on this site and someone opened a private box on me and in no uncertain terms I told em to stop, well bytch is in my nickname and I feel I have the right to be one once in awhile lol.  The moderator then told them that they had to ask before you open a box on a lady and then the argument ensued about whether it was part of the rules of this site but he didnt see it when he signed up.  Well boys let me tell you whether its part of the rules or not it is the nice thing to do, believe or not whether or not she says yes or no it shows that you are a gentleman and the lady feels special. And you might even get a face to face meeting but dont make plans and not go thru with them makes us feel shitty. DONT STAND US UP LOL.  And ffs speak in English lol.  So guys just be Mr Nice Guy and ask before you open a private box on em make em feel special, you can do this in a whisper and ask the lady first.

Well there my friend is my answer to why you ask before you open a private box on me lol.

And thanks for reading my blogs even though they are not that exciting, if my plans go right i will be able to write some steamy chapters after summer 2012 lol.  Stay tuned lol

xxxxxx Insane

BTW i think they finally found a solution to the pain lol

3 comments.  204 views. 

There are times in this life that your history good or bad catches up with you to bite you in the ass.  I was reminded of some events that happened to me when i was 6 and 7 years old.  I have never mentioned anything about this to anyone but find that here with strangers it is good to get it off my chest.  I have never been a trusting person and never have i had close friends when i was growing up i couldnt trust another human being to be close to me.  I went to the Indian Residential ***** at the age of 6 years old and altho some made it thru unscarred some of us didnt.  I have never told anyone about what happened to me not even my family.  I was sent to Residential ***** which was a boarding ***** because i was too small to walk the half mile to the bus stop and my mom had two other babies to care for and my dad was working so there really wasnt a vehicle to get me to the bus stop.  My parents promised me that it would be only for the winter so i left after the Christmas holidays on my adventure.  I was one of the only girls whose parents came to visit her and brought little gifts to each weekend.  Things were going okay i was getting into the swing of things.  We slept in a dorm room with about 100 other girls and the boys were on their side of the *****.  As it was a Catholic ***** the nuns were our caregivers, I will always remember Sister Elizabeth because she was a very kind nun and she helped all of us young girls with anything that we needed and she always said if there was anything that we needed to talk to her about she would be there.  Sister Superior was a big mean and ominous nun, you knew why she was in charge and she didnt let you forget it.  Things were going fine for a bit and then one night i woke up and Sister Superior was standing by my bed with her hands on my legs and she was running her hands all over my chest then her hands were in my panties and she was doing things to me that hurt.  When i cried and told her to stop she was hurting me she slapped me and told me to shut up that she was in charge and that i had to listen to her.  After the third time she did this i went to Sister Elizabeth and told her about Sister Superior and the older girl who would come to my bed at night and do awful things to me.  Sister Elizabeth said she would deal with this and after a few weeks she dissappeared and i never saw her again.  Well things really escalated with Sister Superior and the older girl, it seemed that I was dealing with one or the other every nite.  I never realized what kind of damage this has done to me.  But now i know in talking to my counsellor why i escalated in my drinking and running away from home and the drugs and why i never seemed to enjoy any kind of sex with my mates.  I enjoyed being around my mates cooking cleaning and stuff like that but i remember taking an awful long time to get to bed when it was time.  I thought i had gotten over this but i think the reason i havent been with anyone in a long time goes back to not dealing with what happened to me when i was such a young *****.  I am a strong native woman a grandmother and mother and a sister.  I thought i had a handle on who i was but find that now in my older years i am just getting a hold of who i am.  So all in all i dont think i would be good for anyone else so i have decided to spend a little more time alone and get some help to heal.  I enjoy being by myself too much and dont deal with anyone telling me what to do very well maybe that is still the little girl who couldnt get help when she was being abused still coming out of me.  But i am sure with more counselling that i will be able to deal with all that has happened to me.  I do love myself at times but i need to love myself all the time.  If i cant love myself for who i am how can i possibly expect for anyone else to love me.  I am comfortable with my life right now but i really would love to enjoy my life,  I know who i am and who i want to be i just need to get there and telling my story here is one step closer in the healing process.  We all have some type of story and i understand why so many of my fellow native sister and brothers are living on the street they experienced things that no human being should experience and to my special sister i have found on this site you have no idea how much you mean to me

Insane XXXXXXXXXX

2 comments.  192 views. 

Wow December 20th is coming up in a few days.  This date is always special to me because its my parents anniversary and I for one know how fortunate I am to have them with me yet.  This year is number 54 for them, wow 54 years I cant even imagine being single and all.  Yes they were married on December 20th, 1957 and were so poor they had to borrow the money for the alcohol for their wedding and I think my mom got a very inexpensive ring like 5 bucks or something but she still wears it today.  Oh it was not all a bed of roses they saw their share of thorns in their marriage, my mom and dad had a split because of a girl who made false accusations my father was cheating with her.  As most of you know me from this site I am a North American Indian from Canada (thats what they call us lol) I like First Nations myself kinda makes me thrust out my chest in pride when I am considered a First Nations or First Peoples its a far cry from what I remember people referring to our people of nothing but lazy drunken Indians.  Well you know what you gave us the booze so you could rip us off 10 ways to Sunday lol but hey in return we gave you tabacco, karma sucks :)  Actually I am not racist most who have chatted with know that I kinda put it all out there I like to tell it how it is and dont like to waste time about getting the point across.  My parents have lived through the loss of two natural ***** a son and a daughter, yes I once had a sister but that was so long ago and another brother but my parents somehow managed to find the strength to bury two ***** and still make sure the rest of us were okay.  They had 6 kidsall together, myself and my sister and four brothers, but their are only 4 of us left out of the natural *****.  They raised 33 foster ***** so i have 33 foster brothers and sisters out there and they also adopted 7 boys.  My parents grew up in the era where we had residential or boarding schools in Canada, you know the ones where you were beaten if you spoke your native tongue and god forbid you talked to your brothers or sisters if they were the opposite sex, the schools where boys and girls were sexually, physically and verbally abused, where you were beaten if you showed caring to another human being of your race.  Anyway my parents never told us they loved us or hugged us and very rarely did we see them kiss or hug each other in public I cant ever remember a time i saw that growing up come to think of it!!! Hmmmm interesting or they brainwashed em pretty good!!!! That is the only thing that I am angry about in my whole life, I can deal with the racism, beatings and other shit that comes your way to try and knock ya down only to make you stronger when you get back up.  I believe every *** should at least have someone tell em you love em and hug em once in awhile its kinda nice and makes the *** feel good, so next time you see anyone from your family and especially if they are just ***** give em a hug.  My parents fought and drank but they never did any kind of drugs, I remember my dad was always working and my mom was too.  But somehow through all the "I hate yous and just go away and die" moments they made it 54years.  My parents we know loved us they showed us everyday through making sure we had clothes and food and a roof over our head it just woulda been nice to have had someone hug us and tell us once in awhile.  My parents always taught us to help others less fortunate than us and we were always allowed to make our own mistakes so we would learn from em but whenever any of us get into trouble they make us rally around each other and support each other.  I think I am still single today because I tried to look for that neverending love like they had, I couldnt find it, I guess it only comes around once in awhile for those of us lucky enough to catch it.  Someone once asked my mom if she was scared to die she said no she was scared to get left behind, i thought that was so sweet and sad at the same time. I wanted all my life what my parents had the rare opportunity to show the world there is a love that can overcome all obstactles and last for more than half a century.  I wish i could have found it but I know when I do find that one I want just half as many years as my parents had, I want someone I can grow old a true friend cuz I think thats what it takes to have a marriage last more than a half a century and maybe some committment...Anyway those are my rants for this blog and thanks to all who read this crap lol                       Mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Insane

4 comments.  207 views. 

A friend of mine asked me the other day why would I put pictures on this site and the kind of pictures I put here.  I really didnt have an answer for that at the time.  Well after a few days I have thought about it and think that I have finally come up with the answer.  He said I was a beautiful lady and didnt need to post such pictures.  Well the reason why I did this is that I am single and because I wanted to.  It may be for the simple reason that I have made a lot of bad choices in my life.  I have always chosen the wrong kind of man to try and make a life with.  All four of the men I was with in the beginning seemed to be the type any woman would want to spend the rest of her life with.  He was kind and loving in the beginning, holding hands, cuddling and kissing in public for the first 6 months.  Then after that things begin to change, coming home late from work, spending more and more time with the boys, and coming home drunk or not at all on paydays.  And then it starts the frustration of spending time all alone all the time and trying to discuss it with him only for it to end up in shouting matches.  Then the shouting matches turn into him hitting me and saying that I was seeing other men.  I dont know when I found time to do this between the cleaning and cooking and chopping firewood and sometimes looking after one of their family because they couldnt look after themselves anymore.  Being continuously told that I am ugly and useless and nothing but a whore.  And some of you are thinking why did she stay?  Well for the simple reason that somehow i still loved him and couldnt face the fact that my choice in life wasnt a good one.  I wanted to stick around and try and make it work.  But after awhile you get tired of it and finally realize that its time to leave so you pack up and leave.  I have always been a one man woman,  I give all I have to the man I am with and dont look elsewhere for what I was missing.  The last man I was with did not ever raise his hand to me but the alcohol did get in the way.  I know that there are good native men out there I just didnt find the right one.  I think I wanted what my mom and dad had a marriage that would last a lifetime, this Dec 20, 2011 they will have been married 54 years. I havent been with anyone for about 10 years now and never saw the need till now, it does get lonely after a while.  I am not looking for marriage just someone that makes me feel good about myself, someone I can enjoy both good times and bad with.  I want a best friend, someone who tells me that I am a good person and not an ugly person.  Someone who doesnt want to change me.  So in short I guess posting pictures on this site the way I do is just a way of reassuring myself that I am a beautiful lady and there are men out there who would like to enjoy my company.  So dont judge me for what I do, judge me for what I am a good kind caring beautiful lady with a wicked sense of humour.  I hope this answers your question about why would I post those kind of pictures on this site.  I could also ask you the same question, if your gonna judge me why are you looking at those kind of pictures on this kind of site :)

7 comments.  208 views. 

Well woohooo the court case worked out fine for the fella and i dont have to get married sumone is looking out for me....Someone once asked me if i thought it was at all possible that i could meet THE ONE on the internet...Yes it is my brother and his elove have been together for 14 years now,,,She moved to be with him after a year of chatting with him...So it is possible just got to be yourself....Yes those of you who have chatted with me, I am as nuts in real life as i am online....And to that age old question what am i looking for in a man...Well just what every other lady wants, sumone who treats me as their equal, sumone who will look after me and sumone who respects who i am and doesnt want to change me;;;;but yes there is an age limit im sorry 40 years old is the minimum age i will go....I want sumone who treats me like they expect to be treated...I want a best friend, doesnt matter how you look or what you got ,,,,some of the rarest jewels have been hiding and ya just got to look for em.....Anyway thats my update on the marriage thing and answers to some of you wonderful gentleman questions i have met on this site.....later all......Muahhhhhh....Insane











 

0 comments.  133 views. 

Well I got alot thrown at me tonite now im in a bit of a quandry.  Theres this man who I have been friends with for quite a few years now.  He is 3 years younger than me and has recently seperated from his common law wife 6 months ago.  She was very much younger than him, ya know the ultimate thing Older man and much younger woman, and they have two very young beautiful *****.  The boy is 3 and the little girl is 2 and a half.  Anyway thats the background so now comes the rest of the story.  She left him and dumped the ***** on him for the last 6 months, he has been a wonderful father to these ***** and his mom has kind of replaced their mother figure with this grandmother.  He is a US citizen and his ***** have dual citizenship and since he has told her is seeking full legal custody of his ***** a shit storm happened.  She is perhaps 26 and a pretty little blonde thing that has an alcohol and drug problem which i have witnessed myself and im not talking just weed either,  If he is sucessful in his bid to get custody the government of canada will get her for a $3000.00 bill for the ***** monthly allowance cheque which she has been collecting for the last 6 months even though she has not had custody of the *****.  Tonight she served him an affidavit which was delivered by the RCMP asking him to be in court on Nov 23 where she will ask that the ***** be released to go home with her and her drug dealing boyfriend.  Since he is a US citizen and a landed immigrant there is a good possibility that this could happen.  But it would be more difficult for her if he married a Canadian woman so that he would be legally able to fight this in court.  So I have told him that if this is what it takes that I may be the one to marry him.  I also told him to see how far he gets in court first because if he is getting married he can continue to fight for his ***** and may even get custody.  But if things dont go his way I am seriously thinking that I would marry him in July of 2012 but still reside in our own homes and that the marriage would not be consumated.  I dont really know if this is the right thing to do but it would save these ***** from a difficult upbringing if she has them.  He has a wonderful home and the ***** dont want for anything and his mom helps with the ***** every day.  She stole them a couple weeks ago when the welfare was gonna b at her home and she wanted them in order to get more food at the food bank.  After she got what she wanted she dropped them off again and hasnt seen them since.  I am just wondering if this is the right thing to do after all its only on paper....Well i have a little while to decide at least to the new year anyway....Will keep ya posted to those of you who follow these silly things LOL I could use some help so if ya wanna comment but i will only except 2 comments

Yeah I'd do it

Are you fucking totally Insane                        :P

2 comments.  203 views. 

I have been asked what do i consider too young....well the way i calculate that is you must be half my age plus 7 years lol.....so 53/2 + 7 is 33 or 34......still this seems a little too young for me....and alot are saying age doesnt matter...well to me it does it seems criminal to me to go to bed with someone who is the same age as my son.I am not saying it shouldnt be done but for me that isnt what i enjoy and i want to enjoy myself when im in bed with  someone not looking at the door and wondering when his mom is gonna bust through the door with the law behind.  I rather enjoy older men though just because they have i hope learned that giving pleasure to a woman is a slow process and is enjoyed more. I dont know maybe I am a prude....but i enjoy men who are at least 35 and there is no maximum age...if your 85 and still want to do me and if i am interested i will do ya lol.....Although i havent had sex in over 5 years and i am in no rush too i think my first time will be with an older man...LOL at least i can really think through what i want in my man for the first time in over 5 years I can pick and choose....Must be free of STD's of course no worries on my side there unless my toys got one from somewhere lol...I regularly go to the doctor and he looks at me funny when i ask him for an STD test every year....I am very careful....Actually I think a married man would be better for my first time because I know he doesnt want to go home to his girlfriend or wife with an STD so i am safer with a married man of course....But if I do decide that a single man is what i want for my first time after so many years I hope he doesnt get upset when i want to see the results of a STD test....So for me you must be at least 33 but i would prefer older....I hope this answers those who have asked me how young is too young

1 comments.  175 views. 

I have not been part of this community for very long but I am enjoying it.  I am a 53 year old Native American (Shuswap!!!N Proud)Single Female. I have never posted on any site the photos I have here....you know the ones you cant show mama lol......but feel comfortable to do so here. I am overwhelmed by the great comments....thank you all. I have been single now for 5 and a half years and that also was the last time I had sex with any man. I guess you could say I am a born again Virgin lol...and am in no rush to change that.  I enjoy the camsex immensely cuz its safe lol...So my nickname InsaneBytch does not mean I am insanely inventive when it comes to sex lol...Its a name my lady friends have given me for my raw sense of humour...I do not add on my messenger very often and if I do I will ask you for your addy lol....Don't call me I will call you...Anyway thanks to all the great people I have met at the site you have given me the courage to cross off some things on my bucket list....Join a porn site is crossed off now and be a porn star for a day is also crossed off lol...Everyone needs a bucket list-Things I want to do or would like to do before I die.....I am doing the European vacation in March and the cruise in February....Bucket list items lol....

0 comments.  150 views.